Thank you for this, Sandra!
I'd also say "clearly New Brain" type conflicts that you are describing.
I find the chronic tension interesting and worth to ask deeper about it: tension would generally be a rather sympathetic reaction, but we can often tense up just to prevent ourselves from acting - and that's inhibitory. A quite simple explanation might be that by wanting to adapt and please, you'd habitually inhibit actions that "might not fit in with what's expected". You decide whether that might be the case?
To go to the roots, the perfectionism and fear of judgment have an origin, where they made sense in the situation. When have you been judged, or seen somebody be judged with a (felt) catastrophic outcome I wonder?
Of course, making it into "ventral vagal mode" by communication without fear, and exploring your own aggression in safety, will help your joints!